Single or Lonely?

A discussion frequently tossed up between friends... Do you prefer being single? Do you prefer being in a relationship? What are the pro's and cons? Are you scared to be alone?

I often hear the words single and lonely go hand in hand. 

What idiot started that train of thought? I have friends who were perfectly content alone until they started dating... then things got complicated, they start saying am I over thinking this? Am I not thinking about it enough?  However I also know people perfectly content in a relationship who couldn't picture their lives any differently.

Here are my thoughts.... 

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. 

And whats more, is being in a relationship doesn't cure that loneliness, it merely covers it up and makes you more vulnerable to living a less than extraordinary life. When you are uncomfortable with the person that you are alone with you are always seeking someone outside of you to make you happy. Most will admit it is the easier option, who would have thought liking yourself would be quite a task? 

You should take that time to get to know your self and like your self that way you can be at one, happy and content with life as it is. In a couple-driven consumer marketing society, you’re bound to come across people who wonder why you’re single, as if the ultimate goal in life is to pair up with another human being and cling to that ideal as if your life depends on it. They might even imply that something is “wrong” with you if you’re single. Brace yourself for that kind of ignorance. Remember that you don’t have to defend your being single, just like it’s rude to attack the validity of someone’s relationship.

Being single allows you to stabilize your emotions. When a person is in a relationship, especially when it is just starting, your emotions can go completely out of whack. Your mind can go a mile a minute constantly thinking things like, “Does he/she still like me?”, “Did I say the right thing?”, “What should I do now?”, “When should I call next?” The list goes on and on. It’s enough to make a person go bonkers with all these thoughts running rampant.

The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely. 

One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself:  Single. To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational. Take a deep breath the world is not over,  you still have friends and you still have family. Take this time and spend it with them. Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go... friends and family are forever. 

Apparently I should have life figured out

I swear, yesterday I was six years old. Now suddenly I'm 20 and I'm graduating from university in 6 months. Uh...what?  I don't know how this happened.

Preparing to graduate from University is even worse than graduating from high school. When you're a senior in high school, you constantly get bombarded with "So where are you going to Uni?" or "What are you planning to study?" When you're close to graduating at Uni it becomes "So what are you going to do in the real world?" and "Got any jobs lined up?" and maybe even "So what are you doing with your life?" Four years of University means I have an answer to these questions?

My response...A blank yet awkward face that reads.... I don't bloody know!

What's wrong with just living in the now and worrying about the future later? Does that make me irresponsible?

When I attempt to answer the question I end up throwing out random possibilities and try to sell the "So many choices and still so young" line... And I always get the same reaction (This girl has got no clue!).

This really is a strange feeling, I feel like I've been in Uni forever, yet when I look at how close it is to finishing it feels like yesterday I walked into the lecture theater on O-week with 300 plus new students.

I've asked class mates what their plans are when they finish and it disturbs me somewhat that they all seemed to have it planned out. I guess you could say I'm a little jealous. I've always been one to set goals, yet somewhere along the way I lost sight of my career goals.

I feel that University has held me back from doing what I want, Travel, Dance, Volunteer, Visit a 3rd world country - help those less fortunate. These are real life experiences I have put off. I guess my heads so full of dreams that I'm not ready to settle down in the real world with a full time job pumping out story after story as a journalist for the local paper or TV station.

I guess you could say I'm a passive spectator, watching my life unfold one day at a time. I like many others just hope that I come to a sudden realisation one day and get my life on track... but I guess spontaneity has got the better of me at the moment, knowing that their are so many possibilities excites me...why must we always have a plan!

For now I'm just going to step one foot in front of the other. Maybe somewhere along the line an opportunity will present itself...maybe not... maybe I'll work staraight away...maybe I'll travel... who knows. Life shouldnt be taken so seriously, I have the rest of my life to work! It seems to be all we live for... I don't want to look back and say 'I went to school, went to uni, went to work, got married, had kids, end of story."

I want to live a little!

The Art of Attraction

I believe very strongly that when it comes to desire, when it comes to attraction, that things are never black and white, things are very much shades of grey.

Attraction isn't logical and it isn't  a choice. What a person says they want and who they are actually attracted to are two different things. We aren't attracted to someone because it makes sense, it usually never makes sense. Even if every bone in your body tells you it's a bad idea. Even when you're perfectly content alone and not looking for anyone. Some people face the decision between what they think and what they feel, they know logically to pick one person but they're attraction to the other causes them to put all thinking aside.

I guess sometimes it's best to just go with it, the way in which we are attracted to people may change according lessons we learn in time.